"Even though I can smell the child labor it took to make this miniature American flag… I’m still not feeling better."
"BRO! I WAS TOTALLY GOING TO SCORE WITH THAT CHICK FROM ATO BUT NOW SHE’S BLOWING A JEW IN THE BATHROOM! THANKS OBAMA!"
"Ugh. From now on I’m going to stop prefacing the racist things I say with ‘I’m sorry if this sounds racist…’"